Relationships: To know and be known
- Mar 10
- 2 min read
To know and to be known by another. This sounds rather poetic doesn’t it, but if we were honest with ourselves- it probably is a deep desire yet shoved in the too hard basket. So, here begs the question, can we set ourselves up for this?
Now I wish I had a 1+1= fabulous relationship (Wouldn’t that be nice) but here are some steps to set us in the right direction
You are wired to belong
Everyone wants a sense of belonging, so if we acknowledge that this is normal, we wouldn’t be as surprised by this longing and mistake it for being incomplete or needy. We might even find ourselves in the same places Shakespeare or Byron or Sheeran describe.
Keep your stance turned towards your partner
Research from leading relationship expert Dr. Gottman highlights a significant difference between the 'masters' and 'disasters' in relationships. That difference is that in healthy relationships- there is a turning towards or leaning into each other rather than turning away (be it figuring it shutting down or sorting it out on our own). In the good, bad, ugly- find a way to turn towards your key relationships- be it your partner, kids, family, friends.
Choose a pace that works for both of you
Love is many layered, unique yet similar. So, as you navigate your internal and external world- by all means definitely learn from others (both the good and their mistakes). But make a choice to be ok with your lane in life, comparison always robs (I’ll write on this soon). Breathe, slow down if you must, intentionally choose the steps that you think will set you up for a healthy relationship.
Now let’s be honest, we only have control of our own lives (not our partner’s) so go on ask yourselves the hard questions- “how do I see myself”, “how do I see my search for love”, “what permissions am I giving myself that aren’t helping”, or maybe “what are some boundaries I can set in place that will allow this relationship to thrive”. Go on, ask yourself, even if it is just one question, and see what insights it brings you. Cheering you on!
Sneha is a registered psychologist based in Adelaide. She has a passion for seeing people be all that they can be in their current situation- be it relationships, career or personal mental health. If you would like to partner with a therapist, please get in touch with us through the contact page.
Photo credit: Toa Heftiba
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